he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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