Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
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Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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