I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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