she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And then my night got REAL pukey
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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