my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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