Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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