i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
