I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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