When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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