"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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