He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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