I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
nutella sex= disaster
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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