Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
