If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
