Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
