At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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