Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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