Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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