We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize