there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
