I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
