I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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