I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
