I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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