May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
