yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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