I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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