Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
