If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
