I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
