At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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