I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
