my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
