Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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