Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
