He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
