Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize