yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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