ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
