Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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