obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
