She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
