I don't usually arrange sex via text message
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
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I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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