My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
