Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize