Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
