just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
