He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
