so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
