I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
