Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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