It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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