you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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