Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
