There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
