I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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