I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
