Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
