My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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