There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
