I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
