I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize