It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
