I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
