they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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