I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
