stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't put those talents on a resume
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
