maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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