you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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