Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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