I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
