You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
