That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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