New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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