Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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