i would punch a child for taco bell
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
