I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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